When people would tell me it would be alright because it gets better, I felt worse. I felt that it was unfair, because I was still in the process of grieving for three of my five grandparents who all passed from October to December 4 and a fourth I lost in June 2005. I was lost and not myself when I returned to classes; it was the end of the semester.
One of my professors saw me sitting alone, which was unusual, and not working, which was even more unusual. He sat in the chair next to me and patted me on the back. I looked up at him with tear filled eyes and apologized for my behavior. He told me, "You have no reason to apologize to me. I know what it is like to loose a parent and best friend. My dad passed away when I was your age, and he was my best friend, too. I would tell you that it will be fine, and the grief goes away; but I would be wrong. It does get easier and you can take comfort in the fact that he is in God's hands. When you think about him, you may still get sad because you miss him." He reminded me that Dad is in God's hands and he is no longer suffering.
That conversation helped much more than the ones where everybody told me everything will be okay, you'll be fine, you'll get over it...etc. The truth is I don't want to get over missing Dad. I always will, and I do still get very sad. My sadness subsides as I ask God for the strength to get through this.
I have learned that God does give us the strength to go on even when we feel we cannot take another step or go any farther. I have learned to depend on others and to depend on God. I have also learned that God is the one person I can talk to about any and every thing, and now He is the peace keeper and the glue that holds my family together. It seems we had all lost sight of that.
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